Hey there. So I've debated for a very long time whether or not I should write about my very interesting and tumultuous summer. This post won't be light or cheery or related to beauty in any way, but it's a part of me. It's also a huge reason why I've neglected you guys for the past few months which, again, I apologize for. However, for the sake of not making this blog post a short novel, I'll get right into it.

While my struggle to find a job initially after graduating was a huge thing weighing on my mind, the real challenge I was experiencing was navigating through a really difficult breakup. I don't know how much to share without dragging his name through the mud, so I guess I'll keep it pretty vague. Point is, some choices were made on his end that I found...still find...incredibly hurtful. I go through bouts of extreme happiness and acceptance of the situation to extreme sadness and confusion. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground anymore.

The most frustrating part is that I feel like I wasn't able to get any type of closure or explanation. One day he just woke up and didn't want me anymore and I was left to pick up the pieces he left behind. Just when I think I have most of the puzzle completed, he comes back with more news that throws my puzzle against a wall and leaves me to start again. The most recent piece of news? He has a new girlfriend. Yay!

The type of woman I want to be stays above the fray and is a respectful, classy lady through and through. The type of woman I'm feeling on the inside, however, is hurt, angry, confused and would love nothing more than to make his life as miserable as he's made mine. But, that's just not me. I wish it was most days, but it isn't. One day I'll look back on this period of my life and be proud of my behavior, but right now the very public jabs I'm taking without a fight are getting pretty humiliating.

I can talk for hours about this, but that's not helping anyone, especially not me. I can't change his behavior, but I can improve mine. I've been working out five days a week, seeing a counselor, catching up with friends I haven't seen in years and recently got an incredible job offer. I don't want my negative emotions to overshadow all the good that's coming my way but I've always sworn to be transparent with my readers and that's still what I strive to do.

One day I'll be okay...and it's okay that day isn't today. All I can do is continue to be the best woman God has taught me to be, move forward and not look back.

Thanks for listening to my rant and I promise, I'll return to our regularly scheduled programming in the next post.

Love you guys!
Jordan Cathleen